This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
