Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize