Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
