I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
