Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
