Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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