Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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