that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
