Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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