My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You have to summon your inner elephant
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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