She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
