this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish you could order shots online.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
