The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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