Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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