Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've blown a few things in my day
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
two words: eviction party
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
