I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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