Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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