i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
