Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize