Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
