uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
