I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
