He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
