Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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