Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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