the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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