now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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