you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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