what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i think my cat just said my name.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize