I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
