I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize