It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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