Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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