He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
