When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
