Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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