After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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