I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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