ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
