My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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