I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
