My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
