we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
