they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
