He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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