i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
