Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
