Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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