apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
