It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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