my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
