You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
