glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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