I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
