so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
