i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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