that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
