Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
