maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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