Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize