I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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