Duck Duck Cougar?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
